phool pet humor

Pet Humor

Telling the Weather

To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.
If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining.
But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.
If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.
Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.

Sincerely,
The Cat

Beware of Dog

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused.
"That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

On Cats

"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." - Unknown

"One cat just leads to another." - Ernest Hemmingway

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." - Mary Bly

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." - Joseph Wood Krutch

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer

"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." - Unknown
"Time spent with cats is never wasted." - Colette

"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." - Missy Dizick

"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats." - Colonial American proverb

"My husband said it was him or the cat ... I miss him sometimes."

Morris gets a new dog and is bragging to his neighbor about how smart he is. When Morris calls him, the dog comes running, tail wagging furiously, tongue hanging out, eyes bright with anticipation. Morris points to the newspaper on the couch and commands, "FETCH!"

Immediately, the dog climbs onto the couch and sits. His tail wagging stops and the doggie-smile disappears. Looking balefully up at his master, he says in a whiny voice.....
"You think this is easy wagging my tail all the time? Oy! It hurts from so much wagging! And you think that designer dog food you're feeding me is good? You try it. Its dreck! Too salty! And what do you care? You just push me out the door to take a squirt twice a day. I can't even remember the last time you took me out for a good walk."

The neighbor is amazed. "Do you realize your dog is sitting there talking!"

"I know", explains Morris. "He's young and I'm still training him. He thought I said KVETCH!"

DOG HAIKUS

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.

Today I sniffed
Many dog behinds-I celebrate
By kissing your face.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot -- no greater bliss -- well,
Maybe catching rats.

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do.

The cat is not all
Bad -- she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls.

I sound the alarm!
Paper boy-come to kill us all
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man-come to kill us all
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot--
Sniff this and weep.

I Hate my choke chain
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Dig under fence -- why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating

CAT HAIKUS

REINDEER TRIVIA

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game - While both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year (the only members of the deer family, Cervidae, to have females do so), male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolf to Blitzen
..... had to be female!

We should've known when they were able to find their way.

Bill received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.

Bill tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got more angry and exceedingly rude.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, Bill put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet. Bill was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Bill's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask
for your forgiveness. I will try to check my behavior...."

Bill was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "...may I ask what the chicken did?"

MORE PET HUMOR


Pet Humor
	Telling the Weather To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Sincerely, The Cat
Beware of Dog Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
	On Cats "There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." - Unknown "One cat just leads to another." - Ernest Hemmingway "Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." - Mary Bly "Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." - Joseph Wood Krutch "There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer	"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." - Unknown "Time spent with cats is never wasted." - Colette "Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God." "Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." - Missy Dizick "You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats." - Colonial American proverb "My husband said it was him or the cat ... I miss him sometimes."
Morris gets a new dog and is bragging to his neighbor about how smart he is. When Morris calls him, the dog comes running, tail wagging furiously, tongue hanging out, eyes bright with anticipation. Morris points to the newspaper on the couch and commands, "FETCH!" Immediately, the dog climbs onto the couch and sits. His tail wagging stops and the doggie-smile disappears. Looking balefully up at his master, he says in a whiny voice..... "You think this is easy wagging my tail all the time? Oy! It hurts from so much wagging! And you think that designer dog food you're feeding me is good? You try it. Its dreck! Too salty! And what do you care? You just push me out the door to take a squirt twice a day. I can't even remember the last time you took me out for a good walk." The neighbor is amazed. "Do you realize your dog is sitting there talking!" "I know", explains Morris. "He's young and I'm still training him. He thought I said KVETCH!"
	DOG HAIKUS I love my master; Thus I perfume myself with This long-rotten squirrel. I lie belly-up In the sunshine, happier than You ever will be. Today I sniffed Many dog behinds-I celebrate By kissing your face. My human is home! I am so ecstatic I have Made a puddle. Sleeping here, my chin On your foot -- no greater bliss -- well, Maybe catching rats. Look in my eyes and Deny it. No human could Love you as much I do. The cat is not all Bad -- she fills the litter box With Tootsie Rolls.	I sound the alarm! Paper boy-come to kill us all Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! I sound the alarm! Garbage man-come to kill us all Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! I lift my leg and Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot-- Sniff this and weep. I Hate my choke chain Look, world, they strangle me! Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack! Dig under fence -- why? Because it's there. Because it's There. Because it's there. How do I love thee? The ways are numberless as My hairs on the rug. I am your best friend, Now, always, and especially When you are eating CAT HAIKUS
	REINDEER TRIVIA According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game - While both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year (the only members of the deer family, Cervidae, to have females do so), male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolf to Blitzen ..... had to be female! We should've known when they were able to find their way.
Bill received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. Bill tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got more angry and exceedingly rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Bill put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet. Bill was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Bill's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness. I will try to check my behavior...." Bill was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "...may I ask what the chicken did?"
MORE PET HUMOR